CMW Journal

Character List:

Bea: F 55 - 65. A tough, no-nonsense farm widow.
Julia: F 24. Bea's flighty live-at-home unmarried daughter.
Diane: F 45-55. Bea's younger sister, who is not the brains of the family.
Colonel Jackson: M 90. A one-armed veteran of the Civil War.
Louise: F. 24. Rebecca: F. 22. - Two sisters supplementing their pay by moonlighting as musicians.
Desmond: M 40. - The gregarious Mayor of the town. Mabel: F 40 - Desmond's much less gregarious wife.
Dr. Miller: M 30 - The local veterinarian, and one of the only men of military age still at home.
Catherine Miller: F 10 - Dr. Miller's daughter.
Ruth: F 65: A friend of Bea's.
Pearl: F 65. Also a friend of Bea's, and Ruth's lifelong arch-rival.
Mary Ethel: F 24. Julia's lifelong best friend, and the guest of honor at the party.
Levi Hochsteder: M 30s. The Mennonite farmer who lives next door.

A BARN.

This play takes place in the upper Midwest of theUnited States during the late summer/early autumn of 1943. In Italy and North Africa, World War Two is raging. On the home front, all of the men between 18 and 40 are gone. It is a time of rationing. Every essential and near-essential in life is being diverted to the armed forces.

We are in a barn. Hay bales have been moved aside, and the floor swept. Two tables are set up with refreshments. Julia, a young woman of twenty-four, sits on a hay bale and writes in a large overflowing scrapbook. Bea, her mother, enters. Bea's busy and flustered.

BEA

What on earth are you doing?

JULIA

Describing the buffet.

BEA

We don't have time for that foolishness, child. The guests will be here any minute.

JULIA

If I don't describe it now, I'll never remember this moment. It'll be lost.

BEA

I'll put such a bootprint on your backside that you'll never forget this moment. Now sweep this place up. Twenty-four years old, and she can't pick up a broom...

Bea exits. Julia grabs the broom and looks in the pan that her Mother laid down.

JULIA

Mother! Mother! Mommy!

(runs to the door and calls)

Mother!

BEA (O.S.)

What is the matter with you, child?

JULIA

Mommy, come here.

Bea re-enters.

What is it?

That's not enough weenies.

Not enough weenies?

JULIA

I invited simply everyone, Mother. All the neighbors. Everyone.

JULIA

Except the Hochsteders.

BEA

The Hochsteders? Filthy, shirking Mennonites. You'd better not invite the Hochsteders. They think they're too good to come to a dance anyway. You know they speak German at home.

JULIA

Mother, we need more weenies.

BEA

Child, there's no meat at the butcher shop, we're out of meat coupons anyhow, and we don't have enough gasoline to go running to town even if we did have meat coupons.

JULIA

But the guests, mama...

BEA

The guests know there's a war on. It's in all the papers.

DIANE

Hello, everyone. I hope I'm not too early.

JULIA

Hi, Auntie Diane.

DIANE

Where should I set this?

BEA

That depends. What is it?

DIANE

BEA

Chicken soup?

DIANE

JULIA

Auntie Diane...

DIANE

And so I made it with canned ham.

BEA

What on earth is going through your mind?

DIANE

I can catch a can of ham.

BEA

You brought soup to a dance?

DIANE

Oh. I guess I didn't....

BEA

Why don't we spill it on the guests now? It'll save time.

DIANE

JULIA

Of course, there'll be dancing. Mary Ethel loves dancing. Come on, Auntie. You can put that in the house with my cookies. Mother, how did they look?

BEA

How should I know?

JULIA

You took them out of the oven.

BEA

No, I didn't.

JULIA

You didn't take the cookies out of the oven?

Julia runs off, distraught.

DIANE

Is she alright?

BEA

I've been asking myself that question for twenty-four years.

DIANE

I honestly didn't realize it was a dance. Who ever heard of having a surprise dance for a widow?

BEA

It was Julia's fool idea.

An elderly one-armed man appears at the door.

JACKSON

Knock knock.

BEA

Colonel, do come in.

JACKSON

I do hope I'm not too late to surprise the guest of honor.

BEA

Not at all. Not at all. You're early, in fact. None of the other guests has arrived yet.

Diane takes offense at this, but no one seems to notice.

JACKSON

What's in the pot?

DIANE

JACKSON

At a dance?

DIANE

I didn't think.

JACKSON

Why don't you spill it on everyone now? It'll save time.

Diane exits with the soup.

BEA

Colonel, have a seat over here. We weren't expecting to see you.

JACKSON

At my age, no one's expecting to see me.

Julia re-enters, furious.

JULIA

Mother, the cookies are ruined.

BEA

Then I guess we won't be having cookies.

JULIA

You could have taken them out of the oven.

BEA

You're twenty-four years old, you can take your own cookies out of the oven.

JULIA

That was all of our sugar for the whole month.

BEA

Oh, I've got a little set aside for emergencies.

JULIA

Where is it?

BEA

With your sweet tooth? I'm not telling you. God only knows what you'd try to make with it.

JULIA

I am. I won my fourth grade bake-off.

BEA

You did not.

JULIA

I'll get out my scrapbook and show you. I know I wrote it down. I write simply everything down.

BEA

Quit your carrying on. Company's here.

(to Jackson)

Colonel, you sit right here. Now, I heard you were feeling poorly.

JACKSON

Oh, I'm fit. I never could pass up a good dance. My allaman left isn't so good, but I can still allaman right.

BEA

Good for you.

JACKSON

BEA

No, she's not.

JACKSON

I always say that a war's worse for the people back home than it is for the chaps in the field.

BEA

It's just a terrible thing to lose a husband that young. I don't know that she'll be in the mood for dancing.

JULIA

Of course she will. She told me so herself. Besides, she's been a widow for six whole months now. It's time she cheered up.

BEA

You have to remember, she's going through a rough time. I went through the same thing when your father died. All of the malicious gossip, about what he was doing that night. Mary Ethel's going through the same thing. After all of those boys on Jimmy's patrol...

JULIA

Mother, we're not going to speak about that. Jimmy made a mistake. That's all. The Army said it wasn't completely his fault. Now I think we should just dance and be merry and act like none of this ever happened.

Diane re-enters with Louise and Rebecca. Louise and Rebecca are sisters in their early twenties. They carry violin cases and are dressed better than anyone else.

DIANE

Look who I found wandering around the house.

LOUISE

Hi, I'm Louise. We talked on the phone. Are you Julia?

JULIA

Oh, you look like real violinists.

LOUISE

I guess we didn't realize this was a barn dance. You said "recital".

JULIA

"Barn Dance" sounds so common. This is a surprise for my dearest friend in the whole world. We've been friends since before kindergarten, and...

REBECCA

I'm allergic to animals.

JULIA

This is a hay barn.

LOUISE

I'm sure it'll be fine. Where would you like us to set up?

JULIA

Right over here. I've got some hay bales you can stand on.

REBECCA

Hay bales?

BEA

If you're looking for Carnegie Hall, it's about 800 miles that way.

LOUISE

That's fine. This'll be fun.

(to Rebecca)

Act nice.

JULIA

Right over here. I hope you know "Turkey In The Straw".

Julia leads them to their spot.

DIANE

How much did you pay to get them?

BEA

That’s a personal... Mr. Mayor. What a pleasant surprise.

Desmond and Mabel enter. Desmond is a gregarious gladhanding politician whose personality fills the room. Mabel is a mousy, retiring woman.

DESMOND

Hello, hello, hello. I hope I’m not too late for the surprise.

BEA

No, you’re right on time.

MABEL

Bea, you look simply wonderful...

Desmond silences her with a look, and she meekly falls in behind him.

DIANE

Diane.

DESMOND

Of course. Colonel. How good to see you up and around, sir.

The Mayor goes off to greet the Colonel.

Julia has been talking the band’s ear off.

JULIA

So then I said, I’ve never had a pet frog before, but he said that there’s nothing to owning a pet frog because they mostly catch their own food and they’ll keep the flies down in the kitchen, but mama said I can’t put a frog in the kitchen...

BEA

Julia, honey, let them get set up.

Bea goes off to pull Julia away from the band, leaving Diane and Mabel in the front.

DIANE

You’re welcome.

DIANE

Everyone else was swimming in zucchini, and I guess I just don’t have a green thumb.

MABEL

Well, I told the Mayor -- If that’s her Victory Garden, we might as well surrender now.

DIANE

We’re not going to surrender. We didn’t surrender in 1918.

MABEL

I was kidding.

DIANE

There are certain things you don’t kid about in wartime. There are certain words that you don’t throw around lightly. Especially not with Germans living right next door. I don’t know why we don’t lock those people up for the duration.

MABEL

They’re only farmers.

DIANE

And John Wilkes Booth was only an actor. What would you do if someone assassinated your husband?

MABEL

People don’t assassinate mayors! Really! Excuse me.

Dr. Fred Miller, respectably dressed in his early 30's, enters with his daughter Catherine, age 10.

JULIA

Dr. Miller! Catherine! Hello! Why, Catherine Miller. You’re getting so big. I remember when you were just a little bitty thing.

FRED

Good evening, Julia.

BEA

Hello, Dr. Miller. How is Beth?

FRED

She’s fine.

BEA

Where is she now?

FRED

She’s in Italy, last I heard.

BEA

I think she is so brave, nursing our boys on the front line. She’s a wonderful woman.

FRED

Thank you.

JACKSON

She’s like Florence Nightingale.

BEA

Next time you write to her, you just tell her that everyone back home is praying for her to come home safe.

FRED

I will do that.

BEA

You do that, because she is just a hero.

FRED

Thank you. Oh look, punch.

JACKSON

I met Florence Nightingale once. I called her Flossie. Then she cut my arm off.

MABEL

But how could Florence Nightingale have been at Appomatox?

DESMOND

Honey, let the Colonel remember what he wants to remember.

BEA

And don’t think that we think any less of you, because you couldn’t go. Everyone knows about your trick knee.

JULIA

It’s not a trick knee, Mother. Dr. Miller has flat feet.

BEA

Well, which is it, Doctor? The knee or the feet?

FRED

The feet.

JULIA

Everyone, relax and enjoy yourself. Oh, I put my scrapbook out, so everybody write down just everything you remember about this dance so that we can all look back on this later.

Play something festive.

LOUISE

Beethoven? [Piece name]

They play.

BEA

What on earth is that? Hold it. What is that?

LOUISE

Beethoven.

BEA

Beethoven?

REBECCA

Ludwig Van Beethoven.

DESMOND

German music? We’re at war.

REBECCA

We’re not at war with Beethoven.

BEA

We hired you to play U.S. of American barn dance music.

DESMOND

When our brave boys are off in the field...

REBECCA

REBECCA Beethoven has nothing to do with...

Louise starts playing a lively Yankee Doodle. Rebecca looks stunned.

LOUISE

We need this money.

Rebecca reluctantly plays along.

DESMOND

There we go folks, that’s music right there.

DIANE

I just think that everything German should be outlawed.

JULIA

(talks to herself while writing in her scrapbook)

First, the band played a German song, but we patriotically rallied, and they played Yankee Doodle instead.

DIANE

Oh, look! She’s coming.

JULIA

Oh, my gosh. She’s early. Everybody hide, quick. Quick! Quick!

BEA

I don’t think she’s going to like this.

JULIA

Now’s not the time to discuss it, Mother. Get behind that hay bale.

DIANE

JULIA

Get down. Hide.

(to band)

Do you know Happy Birthday?

REBECCA

Excuse me?

LOUISE

We sure do. We’ve been practicing.

JULIA

Colonel. Get down.

JACKSON

I’m 92 years old.

JULIA

Fine. Sit there. Try to look like hay. Everybody. Shhhhh.

There’s a pause. Everyone waits. Ruth, a woman in her sixties, enters with a basket of rolls.

RUTH

Hello?

EVERYONE

SURPRISE!

Ruth screams and rolls fly everywhere. The fiddlers play “Happy Birthday”

JULIA

You’re not Mary Ethel.

RUTH

You people scared me half to death.

BEA

Stop the song. It ain’t her birthday.

RUTH

What on earth is the matter with you people? Scaring an old lady.

JULIA

She doesn’t even look like Mary Ethel.

DIANE

They both drive Fords.

DESMOND

Maybe someone else should be the lookout patrol.

DIANE

I haven’t had new glasses since before the war.

BEA

You’re hopeless.

JULIA

That’s okay everyone. That was a drill.

FRED

Pretend it was a civil defense drill.

DIANE

Let me keep being the lookout. I’ll do better next time.

RUTH

All of my rolls are ruined.

Pearl, another woman in her 60's, enters with a basket of rolls piled high and looking perfect. Smugly, she enters and walks right past Ruth.

PEAR

DIANE

I don’t need any help.

DESMOND

It’ll give you ladies a chance to chat about whatever you ladies chat about.

DIANE

Really, that’s fine.

DESMOND

The weather, gardening, the upcoming elections...

DIANE

I am perfectly capable of being the lookout.

DESMOND

Now, now. It’ll be fun.

MABEL

If she says she doesn’t need my help...

DESMOND

Mabel...

MABEL

But...

DESMOND

Mabel.

DIANE

DESMOND

Excuse us a moment.

Desmond pulls Mabel aside.

MABEL

Please don’t...

DESMOND

This so-called party is a disaster. I do not like being associated with disasters.

MABEL

But...

DESMOND

We’re here. We have to make the best of it.

MABEL

She says she doesn’t...

DESMOND

Of course she says she doesn’t. She does. Mabel, remember the plan. One more term as Mayor, and then Congress after the war. Don’t you want to be a Congressman’s wife? Live in Washington D.C.?

MABEL

I like it here just fine.

DESMOND

Oh, have some ambition. Do you remember that play that came through town? MacBeth? You should be more like his wife.

MABEL

I don’t think I care to be like his wife.

DESMOND

Have some ambition. Help my career. Clean up the spots.

MABEL

I don’t see what being the lookout has to do with you going to Congress.

DESMOND

I do. And that’s why I’m the Mayor.

MABEL

But, Desmond...

DESMOND

I’m finished.

MABEL

Yes, dear.

DESMOND

That’s my good girl.

(calling)

Dr. Miller. How are you, sir?

Mabel sulks over to where Diane is standing.

MABEL

I’m here to help you.

DIANE

I don't need any help.

MABEL

Then I'm here to while the time away in pleasant conversation.

Diane and Mabel stand in stony silence together.

JULIA

(talking to herself as she writes in the scrapbook)

Auntie Diane thought it was Mary Ethel, but then Miss Ruth entered. As the party erupted into a cacophony, the dinner rolls scattered like dandelion seeds in a windstorm.

Catherine, who has been moodily sulking in the corner, now approaches Jackson, who holds a great deal of fascination for her.

CATHERINE

Colonel, are you really 92 years old?

JACKSON

Near as I can do the math.

CATHERINE

Wow. I’m ten. Almost eleven. You’re 82 years older than me?

JACKSON

Young lady, enjoy your youth. When you’re my age, all you’ll have left is memories that you can’t remember.

CATHERINE

Where did your arm go?

FRED

Catherine, don’t bother the Colonel.

She’s not bothering me none.

CATHERINE

Papa, I want to hear the story.

JACKSON

Let her hear the story. There ain’t many of us left from the Grand Army of the Republic. This is real history I’m giving her. It was about a week before Appomatox, and I was out on patrol. It was late at night, probably about 2:00 in the morning. Now, I’m on foot, see? So, I go walking around a corner, and I hear hoofbeats. So, I’m just about ready to say “Who goes there?” when this huge grey horse comes around the corner. And it’s Traveller.

CATHERINE

Who's Traveller?

FRED

Ulysses S. Grant's horse.

JACKSON

Bite your tongue, man. Who's teaching these children? Traveller was Robert E. Lee's horse.

FRED

Lee. Grant. Does it matter?

JACKSON

Does it matter? I did not shoot rebels all over Virginia so you could mix up Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant.

BEA

Colonel, rest yourself.

JACKSON

When this one's over, are you going to mix up Hitler and Roosevelt?

FRED

I'm sorry. It was an honest mistake.

JACKSON

If you'd ever seen combat, you wouldn't make that mistake. You're talking to a veteran of Appomatox. I served under Ulysses S. Grant. I was there. I saw Traveller.

CATHERINE

What was Grant like?

JACKSON

Magnificent commander. He had that look in his eyes. He knew how to lead men. We would have followed him anywhere.

CATHERINE

And then what happened to your arm?

JACKSON

The fighting was fierce. Some of us were trapped behind this little earthen berm that we'd thrown up. A few of my squad were wounded. I was nearly out of ammunition.

Jackson begins coughing. Worn out from the excitement.

FRED

Come along, honey. Let the Colonel rest.

JACKSON

Wait.

CATHERINE

But what happened?

FRED

After the surrender, a bunch of the Colonel's men got drunk and he fell off a hay wagon right onto his own bayonet.

JACKSON

That's a filthy lie, sir. Pistols at dawn. Name your second.

PEARL

Uncle Jack, sit down before you have another heart attack.

JACKSON

He impugned my honor.

PEARL

Everyone knows that you got that wound in combat. Don't we, Doctor Miller?

JACKSON

A man who sends his wife to a man's war.

PEARL

Dr. Miller apologizes. Don't you, Dr. Miller?

FRED

Colonel, my apologies.

PEARL

Dr. Miller apologized. Now why don't you sit down?

RUTH

(to Bea)

He really did fall on his own bayonet. Everyone in that family drinks.

JACKSON

(sings)

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord/ He is trampling the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored

Louise joins in on the violin, and silently urges Rebecca to follow along.

Everyone puts their hands on their hearts and sings. Except for Julia, who's writing tin her scrapbook.

JACKSON

(singing)

He has loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible swift sword/His truth is marching on.

Mary Ethel slips in unnoticed and sidles up to Julia.

Is this a war bond rally?

Julia screams. The song stops and everyone turns.

JULIA

Surprise! Aaah! No, this is wrong.

(to Diane)

You're the worst surprise party lookout ever.

DIANE

I got distracted.

BEA

Well, she's not surprised now.

MARY ETHEL

What's going on?

JULIA

Go out and come in again.

MARY ETHEL

JULIA

(to Rebecca and Louise)

Play. I'm not paying you to stand there and look pretty.

The violinists launch into Happy Birthday To You. Mary Ethel stands awkwardly as everyone sings to her in a sort of flat dispirited way. Julia talks to her while everyone else sings.

JULIA

(to Mary Ethel)

I really wanted to surprise you. I was all ready to write in the scrapbook about the look on your face. But that's okay. I'll just write exactly the way it did happen because you mustn't ever lie to your scrapbook. Anyhow, happy birthday sweetie.

Rebecca ends with a flourishing vibrato.

BEA

Next time don't make your hand so shaky, you make the notes go all wobbly when you do that.

REBECCA

It's called vibrato.

LOUISE

(quietly to Rebecca)

It's called mortgage money.

JULIA

Are you happy now?

MARY ETHEL

JULIA

Good, I'm so glad. Ready to dance?

MARY ETHEL

This is a dance? You didn't tell me.

JULIA

Because then it wouldn't have been a surprise.

MARY ETHEL

Oh.

JULIA

You told me you wanted a dance.

MARY ETHEL

I did?

JULIA

You wrote in my scrapbook. The best birthday party ever would be if somebody would have a barn dance for me, hire a band and we could Virginia Reel the whole evening.

MARY ETHEL

Did I write that?

JULIA

We were in 7th grade.

MARY ETHEL

Things have changed since then.

JULIA

Nothing ever changes if you don't want it to. You love barn dances. Everybody pair up and let's do the Virginia Reel. Now, it's Mary Ethel's birthday, and so she can choose any partner she wants. Oh. We're a little short on men, aren't we? They must all be off somewhere. That's all right. You can dance with me. Or would you like to dance with the Mayor?

DESMOND

Of course, I'd be delighted.

MABEL

Desmond.

DESMOND

It's her party. She deserves someone to dance with.

(Mabel fixes him with a fierce look)

Don't give me that look. She made the ultimate sacrifice for her country. The very least you could do is give up your husband for one reel.

PEARL

Come on, Mabel. I'll dance with you.

MABEL

No, I'm dancing with my husband. I never get to dance with my husband.

JULIA

Oh, this is fun. It's just like old times again, isn't it? You and me and the barn dance. I know there's no boys. That's all right. We don't need any stinky old boys to have a good time. We'll just have a good time, us girls.

MARY ETHEL

I need to sit down for a minute.

JULIA

That's silly. You'll just sit and mope.

MARY ETHEL

No. I... I'm very overwhelmed by the surprise and I think I need to catch my breath.

BEA

Julia, she doesn't want to dance.

JULIA

I didn't pay that band twenty dollars to stand there and look pretty.

DIANE

(to Mabel)

Twenty dollars? No wonder they dressed up.

JULIA

Mr. Mayor. You go ahead and dance with your wife. Husbands and wives ought to dance together.

MARY ETHEL

Yes, they really should.

JULIA

Mary Ethel, you dance with me. Everybody pair up.

Julia practically drags Mary Ethel into line. Diane pulls Mabel in. Pearl and Bea reluctantly get into line together.

Never thought I'd end up dancing with you.

PEARL

If you don't like it, you can wake up the Colonel.

WHAT?

I drifted off there for a second.

She wants to start without you.

I do not.

JULIA

(to Mary Ethel)

I wish there were more boys here, don't you?

JACKSON

She will not start without me. I came here to dance. I just need a partner.

No one's enthusiastic about dancing with a one-armed 92 year old.

I'll dance with you, Colonel.

What about me?

I thought you had flat feet.

I'll sit out.

You will not, you're the guest of honor.

(to Diane)

You dance with Ruth.

She ruined my rolls.

Not on purpose.

The only character close enough to dance with Ruth is Pearl. Ruth turns her back on Diane and almost runs smack into Pearl.

BEA

Maybe you two would like to dance together. Wouldn't that be fun?

I'll sit out, thanks.

I still don't have a partner.

I'll dance with you.

RUTH

You just go on ahead. Dancing with other women's husbands is a specialty of yours.

(she walks away muttering to herself)

I think it's her hobby. You'd think at her age she'd know better. Woman never did have any shame. You'd think a sense of decency. Leaping into the arms of men half her age.

Ruth either doesn't know that she's muttering loudly enough to be heard - or she doesn't care. Either way, the party has gotten very awkward.

We went to conservatory.

That's our favorite song.

Which one is "Turkey In The Straw"?

Louise hums a few bars. Mary Ethel and Julia take their place as the foot couple, farthest downstage. Desmond and Mabel are the head couple.

The couples are Mary Ethel/ Julia: Catherine/Jackson: Diane/Bea: Fred/Pearl: Desmond/Mabel

BEA

(to Diane)

You step on my feet and I'll knock you on your keister.

Don't say keister. It's German.

Do you want to be the man?

It doesn't matter.

JULIA

I've never been the man before. But you can be the man if you want to. Still, I've never tried dancing on this side before. Do you remember that one time in third grade when I got to be Ben Franklin in the pageant and Billy Swenson got so mad that he ripped my kite, so I said he ought to try playing Betsy Ross. So then he said, do you fight like a boy and I said...

BEA

Julia Louise, we're trying to have a dance. Hit it, Professor.

Louise counts off. The fiddlers play, and the reel begins. Jackson moves at about half the speed of the other dancers, and as they go "under the bridge", the choreography gets very messy and cluttered.The dancers count four beats, and then Mabel - as the head lady - steps into line diagonally toward Julia. Julia doesn't realize that she's the man for a moment, and steps in a beat late to make a hurried and awkward bow.

Desmond and Mary Ethel perform their bows gracefully. Forward and turn with the right hand round. Mabel and Julia meet in the center, join their left hands at shoulder height, and circle around. Desmond and Mary Ethel do the same. Forward and turn with the left hand round.

It's the same sequence, but with the right hands joined. First Julia and Mabel, and then Mary Ethel and Desmond.

Mary Ethel is going through the motions, but she's clearly not enjoying it. On the next count, the Do-Si-Do, Mabel comes to the center, but Julia spaces out that she's supposed to come to the middle.

Julia's late for her do-si-do, and collides with Mary Ethel who's on the way to the center for her do-si-do. Mary Ethel goes through the move perfunctorily - way out of rhythm. When she's done, instead of returning to her place in the line, she goes off to sit on a hay bale. Everyone keeps the dance going, for want of knowing what better to do.

What are you doing? Come back.

I'm tired. Go on without me.

Julia, maybe we should stop.

At this point in the dance, the do-sido's are done and Desmond and Mabel chasse down the line.

Keep going. Whee! This is fun.

We'll be back in a minute. Go on without us.

At this point in the dance, Mabel and Desmond are reeling their way down the line. The second couple has Jackson as the man, and Mabel is detained by spinning Jackson veeeeeeery slowly. Desmond does not wait for her, but reels his way down the line at breakneck speed.

By the time Mabel is back to the center, Desmond is practically done. Rebecca is starting to get into the music, and improvises a counter-melody.

Come back here.

DESMOND

Just work your way down the line. I'll wait for you.

MABEL

I can't dance when she's playing crazy like that.

Louise gives Rebecca a stern look, and Rebecca reluctantly goes back to a straight 4/4 "Turkey In The Straw". The Colonel heads for a chair.

We're the head couple next, Colonel.

I'm sitting down. This is all a little much for me.

Are we still going?

Keep going. Keep going.

BEA

Now, we've just made a mess of things. Let's stop and eat.

This brings the Virginia Reel to a screeching halt. Bea waves to the band to stop playing.

MARY ETHEL

Don't stop on my account. I'm sorry, Julia. It's just too soon.

JULIA

I should have known. It's like when Fluff-Bun died.

It's just like that.

JULIA

Fluff-Bun was the best rabbit in the whole world. When I'd come home from school, he'd put his little paws up on the hutch and...

Can you get me some punch?

JULIA

It's right over there. He'd nibble his little nose back and forth. And he'd look up at me with big brown eyes. It was almost like he was communicating. Have you ever had that? When it's like you're almost communicating, but the words aren't getting through?

BEA

(to Julia)

I told you it was a bad idea to surprise a widow.

Please stop saying that word.

MARY ETHEL

I don't want to get used to it. I don't want to spend my whole life with the word widow.

It's not a bad word. It's a badge of honor.

MARY ETHEL

I'm sorry, everyone. I think I'm just not ready to dance yet.

Would you like some soup?

MARY ETHEL

I guess this is what my future looks like. Square dancing with a bunch of old women.

Girls...

MARY ETHEL

I should go. I'm sorry. This is a nice party. Thank you. You have a good time. All of you dance. I mean it. I'm just not ready. I'll go.

JULIA

(she reads from a page in her scrapbook)

Angels attend him now. Be comforted in that. He has no needs, no fears, and no sorrows. He only waits on a grassy shore to be reunited with you again. His race is run. For whatever purpose the Almighty has for you, your time has not come. You have trials yet to bear, but you'll never bear them alone. He'll be looking out for you, always with you, waiting for you.

That's beautiful. Did you write that?

No. Dr. Miller wrote it. Fifteen years ago.

(continues reading)

He's in bunny heaven now, with the other good little rabbits.

Papa, you gave me that letter when Kitty died.

FRED

It's a form letter. I send it whenever a child's pet dies.

JULIA

It's more than sweet. It got me through some very tough times after FluffBun died.

I'm so sorry about your rabbit.

I'm only trying to help.

From now on, I handle the bookings.

LOUISE

And what are we supposed to pay the mortgage with?

RUTH

I understand, dear. My two grandsons were both in the Pacific. A kamikaze hit their boat.

I know.

The Mayor's nephew flew fighter planes.

JULIA

(to Mary Ethel)

See? You're not alone. Everyone sacrifices.

RUTH

I stay up late at nights wondering about that boy's grandmother. The kamikaze's. Does she hate this war as much as I do?

FRED

You have to remember that the Japs aren't like us...

RUTH

Oh, hush up. I know what a grandmother's heart is. I don't care what country you're from.

FRED

(in a Japanese accent)

Ah soo, maybe you move to Japan. Maybe you rike Japanese.

MARY ETHEL

Don't you dare question her loyalty. She gave two grandsons.

PEARL

The finest boys that reform school had to offer.

Pearl, hush up.

FRED

If it wasn't for these flat feet, I'd kill so many Japs...

You would not.

DIANE

All this talk about Japs. Why can't we all hate the Germans, too?

Levi Hochsteder, a Mennonite farmer in his twenties, appears at the door of the barn.

LEVI

I beg your pardon, Miss Beatrice. I did not mean to interrupt your social.

BEA

Come to lecture me on the evils of dancing?

LEVI

I was hoping please to borrow the telephone. My heifer's giving birth to a breech calf, and

I need to call Dr. Miller.

BEA

No need to call. He's right here.

FRED

Sieg heil, Herr Hochsteder.

LEVI

Dr. Miller, please. My heifer. She's bleeding badly. Could I have you come and take a look?

FRED

I'm in the middle of a dance right now.

LEVI

Please, doctor. My family needs that cow to make it through the winter.

FRED

Lots of families don't make it through the winter.

LEVI

Dr. Miller, I have no debts I owe you. I have always paid my bills on time.

FRED

This isn't about money. This is about war.

BEA

Levi Hochsteder, you're the only family around that doesn't fly a flag. Not even on the fourth.

PEARL

You don't buy war bonds.

DIANE

Don't say too much around him. Loose lips sink ships.

LEVI

My people have no sympathy with the Nazis.

FRED

My people don't have any sympathy for your people.

JACKSON

You're just a dirty rebel.

RUTH

Oh for goodness sake, he can't help having his strange beliefs.

PEARL

I have a strange belief that a strong young man ought to fight for his country.

BEA

Maybe you'd better get on home, Mr. Hochsteder.

LEVI

Then I am to understand that you are refusing to help me.

FRED

If you're not going to help my country, don't expect me to help your heifer.

LEVI

Good day, Miss Bea. Forgive my intrusion.

FRED

Coward!

LEVI

Doctor, these clothes are the uniform of my belief. I don't see the uniform of your belief.

FRED

I tried three times to get the draft board to take me. I love my country and that's why I want to kill Germans. Bayonet them right through the gut.

CATHERINE

Papa, his cow is dying.

FRED

Catherine, stay out of this.

LEVI

You are refusing to help me?

FRED

You make me sick.

LEVI

FRED

You do that. You run away. Coward. Our boys are dying so you can stay on your pretty little farm. You filth.

CATHERINE

Papa, stop.

LEVI

Good day to you, Dr. Miller.

Fred socks Levi in the jaw. He drops to his knees.

REBECCA

Protect the violins!

JULIA

No, not at my party. Go outside.

CATHERINE

Papa.

DIANE

Hit him again.

MABEL

Desmond, do something.

DESMOND

Mennonites don't vote.

Levi gets to his feet. And stands facing Fred.

FRED

Come on. Why don't you fight me? You're a coward, that's why.

Levi sizes Dr. Miller up. And then, quite literally, turns the other cheek.

FRED

Don't turn the other cheek at me, you filthy Mennonite. Raise your fists. Be a man. Did you hear me? Be a man.

Levi stands calmly, with great dignity, waiting for Miller to hit him again. Miller shakes with rage, but he cannot bait Levi into raising his hands. Finally, in frustration - he gives Levi a shove and stalks away.

Good day to you, Dr. Miller.

BEA

Go. Get out of my barn before you cause more trouble.

LEVI

Many happy returns of the day, Miss Mary Ethel.

Levi walks out. Slowly, and with tremendous dignity.

JULIA

(writing)

Dr. Miller's fists clenched with rage...

CATHERINE

Papa? Why did you hit that farmer?

FRED

We're going home.

BEA

Filthy people. Coming in here and interrupting a perfectly nice party.

MARY ETHEL

Doesn't he help you with the hay baling every year?

DIANE

We're sitting on German hay?

FRED

Catherine. Get in the Ford.

CATHERINE

I don't want to leave.

FRED

Get in the Ford! Right now!

BEA

Dr. Miller, you don't have to go on account...

They exit.

JULIA

Dr. Miller. Catherine. Wait. Don't go.

DIANE

Who wants soup?

JULIA

Mary Ethel. You should lead the next dance.

MARY ETHEL

I don't want to dance.

BEA

I think we all need to catch our breath.

JACKSON

I haven't seen that much excitement since Appomatox.

JULIA

What is wrong with everyone? Why does this ridiculous war have everyone so upset? Why can't it all be like it was and why can't we dance? Come on, Mary Ethel. Dance.

(to the band)

You there. Play.

BEA

Child, this isn't going to work.

MARY ETHEL

It used to be fun because I was flirting with Jimmy Revelez.

You can still flirt.

No, she can't.

MARY ETHEL

Julia, try and get this through your head. We aren't girls any more. Everything's changed.

People don't change.

MARY ETHEL

Look around you. This hateful... the Hochsteders have always been good neighbors to you.

This is war.

We didn't hit them hard enough after the last one. That's what the problem is.

RUTH

Maybe Mr. Roosevelt should ask you the next time he needs advice.

MARY ETHEL

Look at what we've become. We're monsters. When veterinarians beat Mennonites, something has gone horribly wrong. This isn't the town Jimmy and I wanted to settle in. We had plans. We had names for our babies. He should be manager at the feed mill by now. When he first went off, I used to take his shirts out of the closet. They still smelled like him. I could still imagine that he was here. He'd be so clear in my mind, I could hear his voice. That's all slipping away from me. His shirts don't smell like him any more. They just smell like shirts. And this town that I've always known, that I want to grow old in, is falling apart.

Try the soup. You'll feel better.

This party wasn't such a good idea.

JULIA

It was so a good idea. We just have to dance and forget all this and put everything back the way it was before.

You can't put things back the way they were before.

Of course you can. What's past is past.

Julia, leave her be.

I think I'm going to get going.

JULIA

Stay right there. We need you for the next dance.

I'm not dancing.

JULIA Yes, you are. It's about time you cheered up.

Julia, you leave her be.

JULIA

All you ever talk about is those plans you and Jimmy planned. You still have a future.

MARY ETHEL

You don't even know what future means. You just have a past that keeps getting bigger. You don't even have a present. Things halfway happen to you, and you put them in that stupid scrapbook before you're done.

My scrapbook is not stupid.

MARY ETHEL

All my life, I knew I was gonna be Mary Ethel Revelez. Mrs. Jimmy Revelez. God, I wish I had gotten shot.

JULIA

Oh, come on now. That was six months ago. I remember when FluffBun died...

MARY ETHEL

It's not like losing a pet rabbit! You don't plan a future with a pet rabbit!

JULIA

And you don't plan a future with a dead husband. See? We're the same again. We can be best friends. You can go back to being Mary Ethel Parker.

My name is Mrs. James Revelez.

JULIA

Doesn't war make you do awful things? Look at me, fighting with my best friend. I think when this is over, I'm taking all of the war pages out of my scrapbook and putting them somewhere safe where I never have to look at them again.

JACKSON

William Tecumseh Sherman once said that "war is hell". I lost this arm at Appomatox.

You got drunk and fell off a haywagon.

Mabel, watch your mouth.

RUTH

Mary Ethel, would you like me to take you home?

JULIA

Don't you dare take her home. She's staying with me.

BEA

Stop it. Sometimes I'm embarrassed that I raised you.

I know I would be.

Pearl Hinckley, it's none of your business.

Somewhere in this exchange, Mary Ethel quietly and unobtrusively exits with the scrapbook.

My daughter married a doctor.

He only married her because he had to.

PEARL

Hush your mouth. That's vicious gossip. That's what it is.

Both of you stop it.

BEA

You respect your elders and keep out of it.

This is my party.

You're a vicious old woman, Pearl.

I'd rather be vicious than a Jap-lover.

What did you call me?

Desmond, do something.

You heard me.

I've hated you since 1895.

I've hated you since 1894.

DIANE

Julia, honey. Would this be a good time to bring out the soup?

I don't know. Ask Mary Ethel.

She stepped outside for some air.

Mary Ethel!

(calling out the door)

RUTH

I've never forgiven you over Robbie Parker and I never will.

Stop with Robbie Parker.

PEARL

I hope you don't put a cucumber in the county fair this year. Remember what happened to the last one?

I knew that was you!

You can't prove anything.

DESMOND

Ladies, please. Remember our common cause. Hating the Mennonites.

BEA

For fifty years, I've had to listen to this idiotic feud. When will you two grow up and stop this?

When I dance at her funeral.

Mary Ethel re-enters.

Mary Ethel, where'd you go?

Just out for some air. Everything's clearer now.

Should we pack up now?

BEA

Yes, I think we're finished dancing for this evening.

We should go, Desmond.

DESMOND

Yes, of course. Miss Bea. Thank you for a lovely evening.

Don't forget to sign the scrapbook.

RUTH

I'm going too. There's something in the air that doesn't quite agree with me.

(She exits.)

Good night.

Sign the scrapbook. It's right over there.

We'll sign the scrapbook another time. Good night.

Desmond and Mabel exit.

Where is it? It's gone.

What's gone?

JULIA

My scrapbook. Oh, my gosh. This is terrible. It's gone. Where is it?

It's around somewhere.

JULIA

Nobody leaves this barn until we find my scrapbook.

JULIA

You hate my scrapbook. You've always hated my scrapbook.

BEA

Why would anyone want your dumb scrapbook?

Has anyone here seen my scrapbook?

I saw it when I came in.

Recently. Has anyone seen it?

DIANE

Maybe it's in the house. Why don't you come in and get some soup?

Diane exits.

I think we'll be going now.

JULIA

You're still my employees. You have to look for my scrapbook.

I am not looking for some...

LOUISE

Ma'am, we're done playing now. We agreed on twenty dollars.

JULIA

Let's organize this search. You take that side of the barn. Colonel, wake up!

Surrounded by Rebels! To your posts, men!

We can't find the scrapbook.

Julia, leave him be!

Colonel, may I offer you a ride home?

JULIA

Nobody leaves! That's my whole entire life. Gone.

Your whole entire life. Is gone?

Yes, sir.

Then you'll have to get another one.

You can't leave.

PEARL

Julia. The Colonel needs to be getting home now.

Pearl and Jackson exit.

Ma'am, we're going now.

JULIA

Stop thinking about yourselves for a minute and help me find that scrapbook.

I told you not to take this job.

Ma'am, we need that money.

JULIA

Well, you said you'd play for an hour and a half and you didn't play nearly that long. Look for my scrapbook.

BEA

You girls only played for a few minutes. How does eight dollars sound?

Preposterous.

Rebecca.

I have never been more insulted...

BEA

You're lucky to get that much with your attitude.

LOUISE

If they want us to play for an hour and a half, we'll play for an hour and a half.

Louise gets out her vioin and breaks into a loud, modern, cacophonous piece of music. Rebecca follow her lead and plays a completely different shrieking piece of music.

Stop that caterwauling.

You hired us. We're playing.

Is this how "Turkey In The Straw" goes?

Yee hah! Play it, sister!

Stop that. I can't hear to see.

We learned this in conservatory.

BEA

All right. Come into the house. I'll get the money.

No checks. Cash.

They exit. Mary Ethel and Julia are left alone on the stage.

JULIA

Thank goodness you're here. Can you believe how insensitive some people are? I'll take this side and you take that side.

I don't see it.

You're not looking.

JULIA

You don't think someone took it, do you? All my secret thoughts are in there.

You've never had a secret thought in your life.

JULIA

Well, not from you. But from everybody else. I mean, if that scrapbook could talk, the things it would say.

Things such as, "help me, I'm drowning".

JULIA

Please. You have to help me. You're my best friend.

Really? What's my favorite drink?

Lemonade.

MARY ETHEL

Gin. Straight up. And a lot of it. You haven't been my best friend since we were kids.

JULIA

Oh? Then who has?

Jimmy.

JULIA

Okay, but I was your best friend that you weren't married to.

MARY ETHEL

Do you listen to yourself? You're not eleven any more.

JULIA

You think you're special just because you used to have a husband.

How dare you?

JULIA

I could get a husband any time after the boys come back, and he'll love me because I don't sniff dead guy's shirts.

I'm going.

JULIA

Good. You won't want to find my scrapbook after you see the things I write about you

Mary Ethel Parker.

MARY ETHEL

That's Mrs. Revelez to you. And I couldn't find your scrapbook even if I wanted to.

JULIA

What's that supposed to mean?

MARY ETHEL

It's down at the bottom of the well.

JULIA

You're lying. Not even you would be that mean.

MARY ETHEL

The last I looked, the only thing floating on the surface was your dried-out corsage from the junior formal.

JULIA

You're a liar. You hid it. You hid it somewhere because you're mad at me.

MARY ETHEL

Look all you'd like. I threw your stupid scrapbook into the well. It's gone.

JULIA

You still have it, right? You're not that awful. You don't hate me that much. Give it back, and I won't write anything bad about you ever again.

MARY ETHEL

Do you know what "gone" means? "Gone" is when you get a telegram from the War Department. That's what "gone" means.

JULIA

Jimmy's gone because he messed up his orders and got his whole squadron killed. My scrapbook's innocent.

MARY ETHEL

Your scrapbook is gone.

JULIA

Why?

MARY ETHEL

You'll ask yourself that question every day.

JULIA

That was my whole past. Everything. My childhood. All the notes we ever passed in school. Our whole friendship. All of it. Gone.

MARY ETHEL

My whole future's gone.

JULIA

So where does that leave us?

MARY ETHEL

Stuck in a very long present. One excruciating moment at a time.

JULIA

I will never forgive you for this.

I don't ever expect you to. I don't want you to.

JULIA

This is a very small town.

MARY ETHEL

I know.

JULIA

And I'm not moving.

MARY ETHEL

I'm not moving, either.

JULIA

That's a long time together in the same small town. You will look back on this as the worst day of your life.

MARY ETHEL

I won't look back on this at all. From now on, I don't ever look back.

JULIA

I'm going to write about Jimmy's war record. How he got his whole platoon killed.

MARY ETHEL

You can't hurt Jimmy. And everything you say just makes me hate you more.

JULIA

So, it's like that, is it? You hate me.

MARY ETHEL

Yes. I hate you. And it feels good.

JULIA

Good. Because I detest you. I despise you.

MARY ETHEL

Why don't you write about it in your scrapbook?

JULIA

You will pay for this. I will make you pay for this if I live to be 90.

MARY ETHEL

That'll be 2009.

JULIA

I can do the math. And you will suffer for what you've done here to me. This is war.

MARY ETHEL

Do you know what war is?