Intro from the author: This poem arrived in response to an invitation from Becca at the Poetics of Place writing retreat last summer to write an inversion of a Psalm. I inverted the celebrated "Good Wife" passage from Proverbs. I must have thought she sounded lonely, because in my (in)version, she has friends. They were named for our retreat leaders in celebration of sisterhoods of writers--and also for laughs.
Wives Like Us
Proverbs 31
10Wives like us, we're a dime a dozen.
11Our men get nervous about our nights out, but don't ask.
12We mostly talk about them—some good, but mostly bad,
starting with the toilet seat and downhill from there.
13We don't knit, but share cross-stitched memes
that say, "I Fucking Hate People" or "Whatever, Bitch."
14These nights, we grab supper for the family at McDonald's, Arby's if we're feeling fancy.
15After, we sleep until eleven, let the kids eat whatever
they find in the cupboards for breakfast—Froot Loops and Doritos.
16If we could, we'd buy those places from Fixer Upper
with subway tile in the kitchen,
refrigerated wine drawers under the granite counters,
17but we can't even afford gym memberships.
18We buy cheap crap at Walmart, and our flashlight batteries are always dead.
19Becca thought about selling LuLaRoe, but dropped it—it's a scam.
20But Julia held a sign that said "Homeless, God Bless," at the Sheetz stoplight.
She needed a new 'do but it was the end of the month—
made sixty-two bucks and a box of Slim Jims in an hour.
She always has good hair.
21We'd buy our kids winter coats, but they want shorts in November.
Whatever, brats.
22Jeggings and boots are good for Girls' Night Out.
23Our husbands just want Netflix and chill and warm beer—
Buh-bye!
24We toil not, neither do we spin,
but there's always another quarter for the jukebox.
25Last time, going home in the rain, we slid but stayed on the bridge,
26so we lean in a little closer when Anita starts to dish
about that guy she gave her number.
27The man and the kids can take care of themselves—
28him, home from work late, fat old bear growling,
them, blocking us on Facebook.
29Other women are poets, pastors, business owners,
30but we still feel hot in lipstick.
31Let's have another round.
No one cares about the laundry.