posthumous
I dream a rocky coast somewhere in Galapagos a lizard
penetrates me lazily with forever on his mind winking one staid eye
pretending to be wise as though age has anything to do with knowing truth
opus dust rises like a soft slow mist from his ancient smoky bones
and under this duress I reluctantly confess to knowing well before
we started this affair that you were buried long ago
that your spirit is an orchestra of blistered plastic
comes as no surprise since you reside in hell
your open mouth upon my skin the soft and secret whispered wing of dragonfly
and only when you come in me do you cry out.
Daddy prove how very much you burn for me.
on this beach far from your tomb where I torment
another lover very much alive forgetting you
for one brief moment
I prepare for endless rain of winter. this paradise of vodka bottles
washed in on the mindless tide reminding me of
fucking you after you went dead
of how you never told a single secret even to yourself
but you know who you are.
I think of pimps I knew on Yonge Street with their purple Cadillacs
and of the city hospital
where you went to hide from everyone and everything ever done by you
declaring mental bankruptcy by wiping out your memory
how completely you forgot.
last rites are on my mind with this confession: I think of you
every time I pass the Jaguar dealer on Burrard
and also I confess to every act I've done or dreamed because I can't let go:
my constant fantasy of fucking with that cat
of being rich as whiskers laced with cream
of trading in my soul for wicked candies doled out to
knowing little girls like me
by faceless boring men with raincoats on
interchangeable as blades of grass and all equally as dead as you.
of being buried too alongside you, and of the perfect darkness
do I dream
what will
what will happen when you place your face under
hers and she moves and she
moves and when next you look she is gone is
gone and then and when you
place your faith in something moving in some
one moving faster than the sky faster
than the moon the moon she sets she rises she
grows full then fades
what will happen then when no moon
rises when no star sets what will when
love blows she blows when lust when love she spins and
turns and ebbs like ocean what
will happen then and when the sand she lifts she
lifts in waves in rhythm to your rigid heart your
upright heart and she blows around like dust like
dust and when she rests far away from you some
where and she moves she lifts she blows she fades and you
are left alone what will happen then will you
run will you run you run like water down a path her voice
fastened to your soul forever, for ever there is, what will